Getting back to writing

I’ve always been a perfectionist. I didn’t even join the swim team as a child for fear of failure. And I think that’s some of why this blog has lain dormant for quite some time. That, and because I’ve got three little lovely crazies that take up most of my time and energy. But I’ve been praying for direction and guidance lately. Feeling a bit in a funk and not knowing what’s next. I do, of course, need to finish my Ph.D. revisions this year. There’s a job here in Salt Lake for a two-year teaching fellowship at a local college. Seems perfect. But then my baby is still so young and I wonder if I’m scared to get back into things or if I’m being called to something else. And if I don’t become a tenure track university professor, and I still have this expensive and massively time-consuming degree, I wonder, am I failure? Has all that extra work and education been for nothing?

No. And I’m trying to sort that out. How the dailyness of being here, doing laundry, scrubbing floors and spending time on Pinterest is contributing to…anything. To see the beauty and glory and privilege in the mundane. And to turn the mundane into meditative reality. And I come back to writing, as the vehicle for this. I don’t know if what I write will end up being published, or anyone will read it, but I am coming back to the importance of writing — of the way it allows me to process and uncover and see anew. So even if it’s not another career, it will have value; and you can all put this blog back on your RSS readers, because there will be more coming. 🙂

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