A return to writing and a baby

I’m hoping to make blogging more of a priority — if nothing else it will force me to reflect and practice a skill, to hone it and see what comes of the writing.

So we’re pregnant with #4. I like to joke that only our third child was planned (which is true, but it does make everyone laugh). What makes this child so unique is that the baby is a girl after my three boys, which feels like being blown over by a fresh wind. Since we’ve been parents now for awhile, we can do the parenting/baby thing with aplomb at this point; but having a girl, rather than another boy, has thrown both of us for a loop. An excited loop, but a loop nonetheless.

What this pregnancy has pointed out to me most recently though is my skewed sense of God. I kept thinking that even though I wanted a girl, of course God wouldn’t want me to have a girl — he’d choose for us another boy. Like I somehow deserve the hard lessons since I’ve had such a relatively easy life. I keep going back and wondering why do I think God doesn’t want to give me good gifts? (Not that another boy wouldn’t be a good gift, mind you…).

Another reason this baby is unique is she’s my IUD baby. I still have my IUD in (it’s embedded in the wall of my uterus) and I’m praying that all goes well and that it doesn’t interfere with her or the placenta (my doctors assure me all looks good). But it does remind me again and again how loosely we have a hold on things in life. And I’m choosing to be grateful for each day that I feel her inside of me and gratefully anticipate her arrival around the start of Advent. Indeed, her ‘coming’ I hope will show me new ways how Jesus cares and comes down to save me, in the midst of my anxiety, worry, and fear. Jesus comes and Jesus gives us surprises to show us our need for Him.

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